Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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