Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
