my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
