sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I love you. Go after that dick
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
