If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
