dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
