I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
