there's paper in my vomit.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
