great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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