his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
