if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
