can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
