i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
