once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
