i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
