This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
