I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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