is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
