it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
