maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
that's an acceptable place to lick
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You ate ashes out of my bong
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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