Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she told me i tasted like america
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
