Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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