He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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