I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize