I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
