what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
