i think i have two assholes
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
