At least make sure they are 18
Why
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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