here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
