Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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