he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
