weddingsv make me drug and hornr
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
