That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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