Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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