SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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