how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It's shark week go big or go home
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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