yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
