McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
