conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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