I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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