Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
and you said cock pushups were impossible
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
