The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize