he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
