two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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