So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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