I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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