either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
