you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
