At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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