You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
