i just wanna soil my oats bro
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
