My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
