you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
