i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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