I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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