God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
