he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
