Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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