Where is the hickey?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
