Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
