I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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