Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
