giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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