And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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