dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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