At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
