Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
