i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
